SOAP

What would the world be like without soap? It would be a very filthy, smelly place. We’d have to wear disposable clothes, eat off paper plates and use sandpaper when taking baths or showering. Just plain water wouldn’t work. Somebody had to find a way to make insoluble grime soluble. The Babylonians did that almost 5,000 years ago and left the recipe on a clay tablet.

That’s rather surprising since the recipe for basic soap is so simple It could be ranked “as easy as apple pie”. There are only three basic ingredients: Water, lye and lard. Some have added additional ingredients like perfumes and vegetable oils to soften the skin and make us smell like salad bars.

Pumice is added to specialty soaps used by greasy mechanics and splattered house painters. It does the job and removes only a few top layers of skin.

One of the uses of strong brown soap is to curtail the vocabularies of little boys. I can still taste Fels-Naptha after commenting loudly when the Mets lose a close game.

Lye is also called “caustic soda”. It’s strong stuff and unfriendly to our skin and eyes. Vinegar isn’t an ingredient but should be kept handy to help neutralize the accidental splashes that get past your heavy gloves, impervious apron and safety goggles. The only other safety requirement I remember is to make soap while your kids are in school and the pets are in the backyard. This also applies to your husband if he’s the clumsy type.