RETIRED TEEN TRANSPORTER

Many years ago I was on a Teenybopper Taxi Team, expected to provide transportation, at a moment’s notice, for as many high school kids that would fit in my car. There were no seat belts then, so the passenger lists could be quite long, and so could the mileage and the waiting time.

There was no set of rules then. If it was your turn, that was “it”. A turn could be as simple as driving a couple of Teenyboppers across town to the library. There’d be a 20-minute round trip plus a half hour wait.

Or it could involve an hour-long round trip to a girls’ basketball game in another county and another boring hour waiting for one of the teams to break the 29-point tie.

There was no rule then about passengers whispering in the back seat and keeping the driver out of the loop while a joke was recited and giggled at. I would get a warning like “Dad, please don’t lean back like that. It isn’t safe and besides, we’re talking about something very private, (giggling increases).

Under the new rules, passengers will have to provide navigational assistance to insure the shortest ETA’s. Way back then: “Nancy, is this your neighborhood?”

“Yes, Mr. Newman.”……..”Is your house far from here? Do I have to make any turns?”……..”Just one, Mr. Newman. You passed my house about five minutes ago. I didn’t want to interrupt your daughter’s joke then.”

Minor maintenance assistance will be obligatory. Way back then on a rainy night: “Can any of you kids fix a flat?”…….”What’s a flat, Mr. Newman?” was the first reply and then: “We don’t know much about flats, but if your flat is broken, we’ll help you fix it.”

Every trip will be well organized with passenger names and address lists. One dark night back then I made several pickups before reaching the movie theater. I checked for the next pickup time, but something was bothering me. I asked the last girl who was getting out, “Wanda, did my daughter Carolyn just go into the theater with the others?”

“Oh no, she couldn’t make it, Mr. Newman. She’s babysitting tonight.”

The whole business needs a Teamster-like set of rules to avoid misunderstandings and confusion. “Thanks for the ride, Mr. Newman,” disembarking teeners will say. “You’re very welcome, ladies. That’ll be $5.25 each.”