POCKETS vs ROCKETS

While agriculture gave civilization a big boost and the wheel gave it speed, the advancement that shaped mankind’s development even more dramatically was the invention of pockets which greatly outrank rockets and their potential for mass destruction.

This little acclaimed leap forward gave man the equivalent of a third arm. It is diffficult to imagine how some of history’s great moments would have come to pass without the benefits of pockets and how some, in pre-pocket times, ended tragically.

If Washington’s troops were pocketless, they would have had to carry their musket flints, pipes and tobacco in one hand while rowing across the Delaware with the other, making it a much longer crossing and jeopardizing the surprise element needed to defeat the Hessians at the historic Battle of Trenton.

It is inconceivable that Teddy Roosevelt would have had to call out, “Hold this stuff, Sergeant Smedley, I’m going to charge up San Juan Hill and I’ll need a free hand for my sword!”

The ladies, God bless them, have always shunned pockets and they are still fighting for their well deserved equal rights. Could there be a connection? They have been anti-pockets apparently because the resultant bulges would disrupt the current fashionable silhouette. Thus, they have burdened themselves with cumbersome purses, useful at times as weapons, but otherwise depriving them of the advantage of a one-two punch.

The pocket has always been a stimulus to the imaginations of young boys. No one, not parents, teachers or playmates can easily violate its sanctity without a search warrent or a suitable threat. Boys use the pocket as a testing lab to find the approximate melting point of Hershey bars, the durability of frogs and to discover it’s storage capacity for smooth stones, marbles, pea shooters and kazoos.

And no little boy would learn the pride and joy of possessing actual money quite as well without having a pocket in which to jingle his current coin collection.

Men, who are after all, just tall little boys, cherish the ownership of pockets. To them, it is unthinkable that they would ever be deprived of them. They are essential to a livable life. A man dressed in a suit and an overcoat is in charge of a minimum of 12 pockets. All are quite necessary and most are usually carrying maximum cargo.

The cavemaen were pocketless and they are gone. The armored knights lacked pockets in their steel trousers and have likewise disappeared. Think about it, if Julius Caesar had a hidden dagger for defense on that fateful Ides of March morning, the world might be quite a different place today. But, alas, the Roman togas had no pockets.

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