FIFTY AIN’T NIFTY

There’s a certain age that a man reaches which he considers sadly significant, a dividing line between youth and senior citizenship. Becoming a semicentennial can have an effect on a man’s ego. In ancient times a Roman nearing the age of 50 was said to be “Going to L”.

There isn’t a lot of sympathy out there for a man approaching this milestone. “Oh yes, fifty is an awful age,” an old codger will tell him. “I’m so glad I’m not 50 anymore.”

And a curious grandson isn’t helping by asking, “How old are you Grandpa?” You try to beg the question by replying, “I’m middle-aged.” and he gets excited. “Oh, Grandpa, we’re studying about that now. What was it like in the Middle Ages? I’ll ask my teacher if you can come and tell the class all about it.”

Your acquired appliances keep reminding you of your impending geezerhood. With the contacts, the bridgework, and the new knee , you realize you’re going bionic.

Stairs get steeper and your bowling ball feels like it’s gained weight. Speaking of that, you’re beginning to realize everything you eat now seems to turn into YOU and energetic exercises, like tying your shoes, aren’t helping to stem the growth of your girth.

If you concentrate, you’re now able to detect pain in some body part. There are morning back aches and post lunch acidity followed by various twinges and gripes in the evening. A galloping Charlie horse often interrupts your sleep.

When you complain about this to an unsympathetic whippersnapper, he’ll probably try to console you by explaining it’s nature’s way of making approaching death seem inviting.

In spite of all this you are not yet a senior citizen, but you’re not a freshman either and you still must continue to bring home the bacon which has now become harder to chew and gives you indigestion.

You still like to watch pretty women walk by, but now when they get closer, you have to switch lenses. And if you tell a little fib to try to impress your wife, it probably won’t work.

“A young lady in the supermarket tried to pick me up today, Dear.”

“Oh, did you fall down, Honey? You really should be more careful. You’re not a young man anymore.”

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