AFTER HOURS DAYDREAMS

A suggestion for insomniacs about something to do on wakeful nights. Many of us have daydreams during the day. They’re almost always better than our night dreams because we’re in control and they’re pleasant fantasies rather than the weird, scary episodes we sometimes suffer through during the wee hours. The only trouble is our daydreams are too often interrupted by the less imaginative types who bring us back to the real world with loud interruptions like, “You mean you haven’t got that work done yet?” or “Sir, that’s my shopping cart. Didn’t you notice my infant son in the seat?” (“Sorry, ma’am. I was a little distracted. Nice looking boy.”)

Insomniacs can be in complete charge of an uninterrupted after hours daydream as producer, script writer, director, leading actor and with final say on casting and locations. They can also be in charge of stunts if they’re careful not to fall out of bed.

I prefer exciting sports scenarios. I was deeply involved in football as a youth. By “deeply” I mean I was very far below the first team level. Coaches only sent me into games when there was less than two minutes to play and our team had at least a two-touchdown lead. Near the end of my junior high school season I asked my coach if I was going to get a letter. “Yes,” he said, “I’m sending one to your father suggesting he make you try out for basketball instead next year.”

However, in the After Hours Daydream Football League I’m a star player with great stats. I have to get a few hours of sleep each night so I limit my gridiron scenarios to critical late fourth quarter situations. Usually I’m the quarterback, desperate to move our team up the field close enough for a game-winning field goal in the last few seconds. Sometimes I’m the field goal kicker or even a linebacker about to burst through and sack their quarterback before he gets to throw his desperate Hail Mary pass .

Since I’m a Catholic I start to feel a little guilty trying to prevent a Hail Mary pass, but then I do a quick rewrite and I’m playing for Notre Dame.

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