“Looks like rain,” I said to my friend Joe . He took out a small gizmo and spoke into it: “Give me today’s weather forecast,” he said, and I heard a female voice reply: “Occasional showers in Morris County with a maximum temperature of 75 degrees farenheit.”
I must have looked impressed because Joe said, “That’s nothing. Betty, my artificial intelligence virtual assistant, can do math, work out travel routes, arrange an Uber ride, and even quote phrases from famous novels and poems . If you’re thinking of betting on a Giants’ game, Betty can give you today’s odds.
“Wow! A guy could be in solitary confinement with one of these gadgets and it wouldn’t be all that bad, ” I said, and I was soon browsing the Cloud. After interviewing several candidates for the position of my virtual AI assistant, I chose Zoltan mostly because he sounded just like my old departed friend Nick from Budapest.
Zoltan and I seemed to hit it off on day one. I mentioned my visit to Hungary and enjoying the friendly people and great food and he began by revealing an exquisite goulash recipe. He recommended an appropriate a wine called “Egri Bikaver” which he translated as ” Bull’s Blood”. After a few swallows, I decided to spare the bull and have a cold beer, but I didn’t tell Zoltan. He seemed a little sensitive.
It turned out, Zoltan could absorb whole segments of the Internet to increase his artificial intelligence and I soon realized he might be able to write my blogs. So I decided to check his sense of humor. So far, none of my requests seemed to faze him.
“Recite a funny quote, Zoltan,” I commanded. (I was enjoying my new role as a master.) “Yes, Sir, he replied:”A toast by an inept press agent: ‘Here’s to the fame of what’s-his-name.”
“That was amusing, Zoltan. Now, how about a limerick?”
“Sir, I was hoping you would request instead a line from one of Shakespeare’s sonnets. They are quite beautiful.”
“I know they are, Zoltan. I’ve been studying a book of his sonnets for more than a year now.”
“Really, Sir! I’m quite impressed. Perhaps we can discuss and compare our favorites.”
“Not now, Zoltan. I’m still stuck on page three of that book. You’d think he’d be able to speak everyday English. Let’s hear the limerick.”
“Yes, Sir. It reads as follows. (And I’m sure I detected a note of sulkiness). ‘ A certain lovely Miss Russell…..with her hula hoop daily did tussle…..Said she, ‘It loosens my spine, makes my figure divine……No that’s not a bustle, that’s muscle.’ “
I asked Zoltan where he found that amusing limerick and he replied, “On one of those amateurish blogs, Sir. Wouldn’t you rather hear a few lines from Walt Whitman’s ‘Leaves of Grass’? “
“Not really, Zoltan. I’m not much of a gardener.” (There was a definite “tsk, tsk” right then.
(So I thought I’d get to the point.) Zoltan, it would be interesting to see you adopt my style and write my next blog. What do you think?”
“My apologies, Sir, but I’m not qualified to create crackpot prose.”
The Immigration Service officer said he had no authority to deport, or even reprimand, Hungarian AI robots and impoliteness is never grounds for deportation.
Imagine That 