KNEES

One significant thing remains lodged in my brain about my attitude back in my toddler days. I remember having a keen resentment of knees.

During family gatherings I was often surrounded by a knobby panorama of knees right at my eye level and moving menacingly in all directions. Every so often a pair of silk-stockinged knees would stop in front of me and an aunt would reach down, tousle my hair and plant a lipstick-laden kiss on my cheek. That wasn’t so bad and aunts always smelled nice.

But then a pair of baggy-trousered knees would approach, usually with a cloud of smoke, reminding me I might have to dodge falling ashes. Suddenly two big paws would descend through the cloud, grab me under the armpits and toss me into the air. The one good thing about being launched like that was I got a brief birds-eye view of the party, but too often, I was bounced off the ceiling.

Once at my Dad’s company’s picnic, he took me around to show me off to his friends. I got to see a lot of new knees and my head was nearly tousled off, but there was ice cream and Dad made sure I didn’t get launched. “Genie sometimes vomits when he’s tossed up,” Dad fibbed.

Eventually we reached a field where I heard loud shouting and even some bad words. A man in a bathing suit called to Dad, “Hey Jim, lend a hand. We’re losing the tug-of-war!” The next thing I remember I was standing very close to a thundering herd of stampeding knees. I managed to yell louder than everybody else, so Dad let go of the rope and 20 knees were dragged into a muddy pond. Served them right!

I liked shopping with Mom, but her hands were always busy at bargain tables and clothing racks, so I’d just latch on to the bottom of her coat at her knee level and tag along. One day in a department store, as we walked up to a counter, the sales lady said, “Hello Mrs. McClosky. I didn’t know you had a little boy.”

“I don,t,” Mrs. McClosky replied and glared down at me, a stowaway.

“Oh, no!” I thought. “I grabbed Mrs. McClosky’s passing coat by mistake!

I should have checked the knees! Do I have to go home with Mrs. McClosky now? ” I hit the high decibels and was surrounded by soothing sales ladies when my frantic mother arrived.