Thousands of tuxedos are rented annually by grooms who are nervously looking forward to the most important day of their lives. The tension increases when the complicated garment arrives in a large box on the Big Day and the groom feels a bit like Pandora as he lifts the lid.
Across town the bride is being assisted by a team of bridesmaids as she slips into a beautiful gown she is completely familiar with because she’s been designing and redesigning every pleat and panel since her high school days.
The groom has only his best man, Joe, who is just as baffled by the tux’s complexity and is still a bit hungover from last night’s bachelor blowout. But Joe is wise enough to advise, “Don’t worry about it. Your gorgeous bride in her gorgeous gown will be the main attraction. The groom is always the invisible man. Just be careful not to trip on her train and you’ll be okay.”
The cummerbund is a bit of a puzzle. Joe remembers seeing Fred Astaire twirl into a cummerbund that was held on the other end by his valet, but fortunately, this one and the four-in-hand tie are provided with clips for any unsuave customers.
Finally, fully dressed and admiring himself before a full-length mirror, the groom is more relaxed and happy to hear Joe announce, “Just about passable!”
But something else Joe says is unsettling. “You’re wearing a previously rented garment of a timeless design. Many who wore it years ago may have already gone to their rewards.”
Joe is just trying to amuse his pal and help him relax, but he shouldn’t have said that. The groom had noticed slight movements and faint noises which he’d attributed to his torso settling into the snug outfit. “Good Lord, am I wearing a possessed tuxedo?” he thinks. “Of course not, that’s silly.” But just then he hears a squeak coming from under the right cuff. Or was that a giggle?
At first he blames it on his nervous condition, but later he’s sure he hears whispering as he waits at the church for his bride’s arrival. Prompts begin occuring like (The ring, the ring!) and (You’re tie is tilted, fix it!) And later (Stand closer. She’s not marrying the flower girl!) The faint voices range from alto to baritone and sometimes there’s a chorus.
It seems very weird at first, but he begins to appreciate the cues and Joe starts to look at him questioningly, especially when he almost shouts, “I do, I do, for goodness sakes!”
Later at th reception Joe collars the groom. “You look a lot more relaxed now, but you should be out there dancing with your beautiful bride. Who the heck are you texting?”
“The tailor. I’m buying this magical tux. It’s going to be very useful. I’m hoping the cummerbund will help improve my golf game.”
Imagine That 